Health Plan Humorist Gifts

'Your bloodwork reveals a slightly worrisome health plan.'

No, young man, I'm not worried about falling downstairs.

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

Lactose Intolerant

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

"The first one's just a warning."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

PSA Banter.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

Cardiac Recovery.

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

Providing Healthcare For All

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"All my symptoms are old ... "

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'