Health Insurance Humorist Gifts

'I can explain the meaning of life, but I can't explain Medicare drug coverage.'

'Says here that you broke your tooth while eating a human. Sorry sir, but accidents that happen during 'food-for-fun' are not covered under your dental plan.'

'Your medical insurance only covers laughter, which they say is the best medicine. So, a man, a dog, and a cat walk into a bar...'

CITY CLINIC, 'What do we do in a case like this? -- He's sick because he swallowed his insurance card.'

I'll need the tweezers. It looks like Mr. Fosgitt here is paying through the nose for his health insurance.

'The best part - it has health coverage.'

'I was abducted by aliens, but they wouldn't probe me because I didn't have health insurance.'

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

'Are you SURE this isn't a pre-existing condition?'

'That's nothin'. My HMO only covers an apple a day.'

'According to your test results, you're way under insured for what you have.'

"We have a great medical plan. It covers everything!"

"About your 'Apple A Day' prescription...no charge for MacIntosh, but there's a copay for Honeycrisp."

"Your prognosis? That depends on your health insurance."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

Lactose Intolerant

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

"The first one's just a warning."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

PSA Banter.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

Cardiac Recovery.

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'