Health Insurance Humorist Pillows

'I can explain the meaning of life, but I can't explain Medicare drug coverage.'

'Says here that you broke your tooth while eating a human. Sorry sir, but accidents that happen during 'food-for-fun' are not covered under your dental plan.'

'Your medical insurance only covers laughter, which they say is the best medicine. So, a man, a dog, and a cat walk into a bar...'

CITY CLINIC, 'What do we do in a case like this? -- He's sick because he swallowed his insurance card.'

'The best part - it has health coverage.'

'I was abducted by aliens, but they wouldn't probe me because I didn't have health insurance.'

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

'Are you SURE this isn't a pre-existing condition?'

'That's nothin'. My HMO only covers an apple a day.'

'According to your test results, you're way under insured for what you have.'

"We have a great medical plan. It covers everything!"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

Lactose Intolerant

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

"The first one's just a warning."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

PSA Banter.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

Cardiac Recovery.

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

Providing Healthcare For All

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."