Health Insurance Humor Enthusiast Pillows

'Our health care plan is free. You're free to buy private health care insurance.'

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

"Remember, Mr. Jones, whatever doesn't kill you makes your health insurance premiums go up."

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

'This could be a very expensive operation — I'm going to refer you to the Federal Government.'

'Have you heard about the new Medicare drug plan called plan C? Medicare gives you $30 for a bus ticket to Canada!'

'The Doctor says you can be discharged - so I've brought you a list of jobs you can do when you get home!'

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

He said he loved her for her brain but was her appendix he was always taking out.

Nurse holding giant pill tells patient, 'Relax. It's chewable.'

"It's a very rare disease - it doesn't have a cure. It doesn't even have a spokesperson."

'The Nobel prize for medicine was awarded to Dr. Quentin R. Owlsey, who developed an anesthetic that leaves patients capable of writing checks.'

'...in sickness and in health, with full coverage or without...'

'The NHS believes in a carrot and stick approach to motivation...'

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

'Hi! -- I'm selling theory insurance!'

"Hi! My name is Kevin, and I'll be your doctor today."

'When we talk about a 'needs' led service. The 'NEED' is to stay in budget!'

'Have you got any hip-op?'

'These are your parking charges.'

'My speciality is referring patients to the right specialist.'

Nurse about surgeon juggling organs: 'I think Dr. Haywood could really use a sabbatical.'

'I DID work out today, doc. Sitting all afternoon in your waiting room was a real exercise in frustration!'

'I'd like a diagnosis of the disease and a prognosis of the bill.'

"We’ve been told to cut the drugs budget so in future Louella here will be chanting away your pain."

"Please have a seat over by the door, sir - We're looking for a volunteer to examine you."

Lactose Intolerant Cow.

So...who is your provider ?

'I'd like a late afternoon appointment please. To give his hands a chance to warm up.'

Your body initially rejected the new kidney, but after we pumped you full of liquor, your body found the new kidney kind of attractive. We'll see what happens in the morning, though.

'Your medical coverage does not consider that a medical necessity.'

'He's worried that the 20% that changes is the only 20% he knows!'

Man sitting in hospital bed notices a Goldfish swimming in his Intravenous Bag.