Health Insurance Humor Enthusiast Pillows

'Our health care plan is free. You're free to buy private health care insurance.'

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

"Remember, Mr. Jones, whatever doesn't kill you makes your health insurance premiums go up."

'This could be a very expensive operation — I'm going to refer you to the Federal Government.'

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

'Have you heard about the new Medicare drug plan called plan C? Medicare gives you $30 for a bus ticket to Canada!'

'The Doctor says you can be discharged - so I've brought you a list of jobs you can do when you get home!'

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

Nurse holding giant pill tells patient, 'Relax. It's chewable.'

He said he loved her for her brain but was her appendix he was always taking out.

"It's a very rare disease - it doesn't have a cure. It doesn't even have a spokesperson."

'The Nobel prize for medicine was awarded to Dr. Quentin R. Owlsey, who developed an anesthetic that leaves patients capable of writing checks.'

'The NHS believes in a carrot and stick approach to motivation...'

"Hi! My name is Kevin, and I'll be your doctor today."

'...in sickness and in health, with full coverage or without...'

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

'Hi! -- I'm selling theory insurance!'

'When we talk about a 'needs' led service. The 'NEED' is to stay in budget!'

'Have you got any hip-op?'

Nurse about surgeon juggling organs: 'I think Dr. Haywood could really use a sabbatical.'

'My speciality is referring patients to the right specialist.'

'These are your parking charges.'

'I'd like a diagnosis of the disease and a prognosis of the bill.'

'I DID work out today, doc. Sitting all afternoon in your waiting room was a real exercise in frustration!'

Lactose Intolerant Cow.

"Please have a seat over by the door, sir - We're looking for a volunteer to examine you."

So...who is your provider ?

"We’ve been told to cut the drugs budget so in future Louella here will be chanting away your pain."

'Your medical coverage does not consider that a medical necessity.'

'I'd like a late afternoon appointment please. To give his hands a chance to warm up.'

Man sitting in hospital bed notices a Goldfish swimming in his Intravenous Bag.

'He's worried that the 20% that changes is the only 20% he knows!'

'Says here that you broke your tooth while eating a human. Sorry sir, but accidents that happen during 'food-for-fun' are not covered under your dental plan.'