Health Care Humorist Pillows

"The sleeping pills take time to work. Don't expect results overnight."

"Would you like to buy a raffle ticket?...First prize is a bed on one of the wards."

40 minutes in this position

'I never make the same mistake twice!'

'What you have is so rare that I don't know whether to name it after you or for myself.'

"If Doctor have time, after bringing dead back to life, Doctor fix Egor's hump?"

'I'm a holistic dentist, Mrs. McPhee -- You'll have to disrobe.'

Surgeon General: 'CHECK IN MAGGOT'

Whining about mask wearing

"Sergio, we don't have to spend so much money on health insurance."

'Yet another exploding laptop.'

'No, Grand'pa! The dentist said, 'Floss your teeth'!'

'I think it is damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

'I'm referring you to a doctor with better attorneys.'

"So, as you can see, health care is so complicated you may never get well."

'The test results indicate that the lumps we found in your breasts are, in fact, your breasts!'

"Based on blood tests and the X-ray, I'd say it's 'a guy thing'."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

Doctors To Have More Input

What sort of filling do you want? Chocolate please.

"Would it kill you to throw some flossers in the Utility Belt?"

"When I said the surgery was minimally invasive I wasn't talking about your finances."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"The first one's just a warning."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

Cardiac Recovery.

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'