Health Finance Humorist Gifts

"Reaching for your wallet at the front desk, however, should be no problem!"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

Lactose Intolerant

"The first one's just a warning."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

PSA Banter.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

Cardiac Recovery.

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

Will work for ETFs

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

Providing Healthcare For All

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'