Health Reform Humorist Gifts

'He's worried that the 20% that changes is the only 20% he knows!'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

Providing Healthcare For All

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

'As you know, medical costs have skyrocketed -- that'll be fifty cents.'

Sisyphus and coronavirus

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

'Take one of these three times a day until you start to feel better.'

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

'The doctors say I have a rare illness that turns people into birds - it's untweetable.'

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

Scary Halloween ICD-10 codes.

What the patient heard and what the doctor meant to convey.

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

NHS/Private Eye Care.

"Of course I believe in unions - Where do you think we doctors would be without the A.M.A.?"

"I've run every test known to man, and it turns out you're allergic to medical bills."

"Look, look … someone wrote unoperable."

"I've decided to go a different way for our new health plan."

'Are you writing my symptoms, or is that your autobiography?'

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

"There's a shortage of beds, dear."

'If you could roll up your sleeves, go behind the screen and plaster the wall.'

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

"I suppose it was bound to come to this."

"Sorry, new style pain killer. It's the cut-backs I'm afraid."