Health Policy Humor Gifts

'According to this, the only drug your HMO covers is aspirin, and it has to be generic.'

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

"I don't leave home without it!"

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

"I didn't say he's dying from choking. I said he's killing us with his joking."

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

"The doctor will now glance in passing at you."

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

"I've developed a sporting way to administer the flu shot."

"I have exclusive rights with Pfizer."

Be careful how you unwrap it I think it MIGHT be his stool sample!

'When I die could you preserve my liver for medical research? You've done that already.'

"Some 'King'. They didn't even give me an N95."

'I should warn you, I charge double if you want me to examine both of them, Mrs. Jacobs.'

'I'm referring you to a doctor with better attorneys.'

"He's our newest partner, we can't afford to be as selective as we used to be."

'And out hospital has rooms...lots of rooms, and some beds, and we've got stairs.'

'I see a VERY important note from your doctor. Unfortunately, I can't read her handwriting.'

"Our health insurance premium doubled. Our age is now a pre-existing condition."

'These are from my attorneys for malpractice suit.'

'So for the record...age you admitting that there are circumstances in which you would not demand an MRI scan for a child with a sniffle for purely budgetary reasons!'

COVID-19 fever

Is there anyone here from 'customer care'? Could you tell them I'll ring back as soon as I've got my new kidney in!

"Are you in there, Mr Elkins?"

"His last words were 'Yodel-ay-he-hoo.'"

2020 Panic Room

"It's the online blood bank. Do we want to continue shopping?"

"Do you have someone to drive you home after your surgery? My car's in the shop and I could really use a ride."

"Thanks for reminding me, doc! I just forgot that I've got Alzheimer's!"

You're going to give me a hay fever shot? Shouldn't I be getting an anti hay fever shot?

'Our trials show that the new drug performs no better than placebo.'

'He's worried that the 20% that changes is the only 20% he knows!'

"I'm afraid a hearing aid will make me look old."