Health Policy Satirist Gifts

"My D.I.Y. health insurance will pay for the surgery, but I have to take out the stitches myself."

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

Providing Healthcare For All

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

'As you know, medical costs have skyrocketed -- that'll be fifty cents.'

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

'The doctors say I have a rare illness that turns people into birds - it's untweetable.'

'Take one of these three times a day until you start to feel better.'

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

Scary Halloween ICD-10 codes.

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

What the patient heard and what the doctor meant to convey.

"Of course I believe in unions - Where do you think we doctors would be without the A.M.A.?"

NHS/Private Eye Care.

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

"Look, look … someone wrote unoperable."

'Are you writing my symptoms, or is that your autobiography?'

Medical Center.

If the NHS designed cars...They'd probably be the worst cars in the world.

"There's a shortage of beds, dear."

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

"I suppose it was bound to come to this."

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

"Sorry, new style pain killer. It's the cut-backs I'm afraid."

'If you could roll up your sleeves, go behind the screen and plaster the wall.'

"I've run every test known to man, and it turns out you're allergic to medical bills."

"I've decided to go a different way for our new health plan."