Health Bill Humorist Gifts

'It depends on what you mean by 'serious,' Mr. Hobbs. Do you consider six thousand dollars serious?'

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

Sisyphus and coronavirus

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

'You can't call it a miracle drug just because you added miracle whip!'

'First of all, I'm taking you off the iron supplements.'

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

Energy Drinks

'Another upsetting discovery from the world of nutrition: New studies indicate that the air itself is fattening...'

Witch making a brew with Gluten, Nuts, Trans Fats, BGH, GMOs...

'Frankly, the diet I'm putting you on will include things that you probably wouldn't consider 'food' as such.'

'He's worried that the 20% that changes is the only 20% he knows!'

'Let's order one more MRI, just to play it safe.'

'Says here that you broke your tooth while eating a human. Sorry sir, but accidents that happen during 'food-for-fun' are not covered under your dental plan.'

CITY CLINIC, 'What do we do in a case like this? -- He's sick because he swallowed his insurance card.'

"The Discount Physicians' Network is moving two thousand head up to Dodge City, Ma'am."

'The best part - it has health coverage.'

"Don't worry, Mr. Johns, basically we'll be taking your organs out and repositioning them all, just a bit to the left."

God and Adam implement social distancing

"Whatever doesn't kill me makes me gain weight."

'We'll have to be more aggressive with your diet. I'd like to try something I call 'The Carbivore''.

"Oh great, now even gonorrhoea has covid!"

'What's this? You're suing me because the prescribed medication made you 'irrationally exuberant' in a down market?'

Covid-19

"If our ambulance hadn't hit you, you might be waiting ten or fifteen minutes for another one."

'Sorry, I can't let you have a last cigarette. The firing squad don't like breathing in second hand smoke.'

'Consumer alert! Consumer alert! - If it tastes good, spit it out!'

'Your bloodwork reveals a slightly worrisome health plan.'

'According to your test results, you're way under insured for what you have.'

"You're not really getting this whole mask thing, are you, Bob?"