Health Reform Humor Gifts

'He says you have to work harder.'

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

"I don't leave home without it!"

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

"The doctor will now glance in passing at you."

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

"I'd say it's a fungal infection."

Be careful how you unwrap it I think it MIGHT be his stool sample!

'I should warn you, I charge double if you want me to examine both of them, Mrs. Jacobs.'

"He's our newest partner, we can't afford to be as selective as we used to be."

'I'm referring you to a doctor with better attorneys.'

'And out hospital has rooms...lots of rooms, and some beds, and we've got stairs.'

"It's the online blood bank. Do we want to continue shopping?"

"Thanks for reminding me, doc! I just forgot that I've got Alzheimer's!"

"His last words were 'Yodel-ay-he-hoo.'"

'So for the record...age you admitting that there are circumstances in which you would not demand an MRI scan for a child with a sniffle for purely budgetary reasons!'

'You've got Finklestein's syndrome!' - 'Are you Finklestein?'

Is there anyone here from 'customer care'? Could you tell them I'll ring back as soon as I've got my new kidney in!

"Are you in there, Mr Elkins?"

"Do you have someone to drive you home after your surgery? My car's in the shop and I could really use a ride."

'These are from my attorneys for malpractice suit.'

'I see a VERY important note from your doctor. Unfortunately, I can't read her handwriting.'

'Our trials show that the new drug performs no better than placebo.'

'He's worried that the 20% that changes is the only 20% he knows!'

Never make a doctors appointment on Take Your Kids to Work Day.

"Trust me, Doc, it's quicker if I tell you what doesn't hurt."

'You're the best nurse I've ever had Ruth Ann...And I'm just sick about it.'

'Jimmy, the most important thing to know as a new doctor is never cure your patient the first time. That way they have to come back and pay you again.'

'Never, Ever...assume anything is free when you visit a hospital.'