Health Reform Humor Pillows

'He says you have to work harder.'

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

"I don't leave home without it!"

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

"I didn't say he's dying from choking. I said he's killing us with his joking."

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

"The doctor will now glance in passing at you."

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

"I've developed a sporting way to administer the flu shot."

Be careful how you unwrap it I think it MIGHT be his stool sample!

"I'd say it's a fungal infection."

'I should warn you, I charge double if you want me to examine both of them, Mrs. Jacobs.'

'I'm referring you to a doctor with better attorneys.'

"He's our newest partner, we can't afford to be as selective as we used to be."

'And out hospital has rooms...lots of rooms, and some beds, and we've got stairs.'

"Our health insurance premium doubled. Our age is now a pre-existing condition."

'So for the record...age you admitting that there are circumstances in which you would not demand an MRI scan for a child with a sniffle for purely budgetary reasons!'

Is there anyone here from 'customer care'? Could you tell them I'll ring back as soon as I've got my new kidney in!

"His last words were 'Yodel-ay-he-hoo.'"

"Are you in there, Mr Elkins?"

"It's the online blood bank. Do we want to continue shopping?"

"Thanks for reminding me, doc! I just forgot that I've got Alzheimer's!"

"Do you have someone to drive you home after your surgery? My car's in the shop and I could really use a ride."

'You've got Finklestein's syndrome!' - 'Are you Finklestein?'

'I see a VERY important note from your doctor. Unfortunately, I can't read her handwriting.'

'These are from my attorneys for malpractice suit.'

'Our trials show that the new drug performs no better than placebo.'

'He's worried that the 20% that changes is the only 20% he knows!'

"Trust me, Doc, it's quicker if I tell you what doesn't hurt."

Never make a doctors appointment on Take Your Kids to Work Day.

'You're the best nurse I've ever had Ruth Ann...And I'm just sick about it.'

'Never, Ever...assume anything is free when you visit a hospital.'