Health Care Commentator Gifts

'I don't want surgery...can you just touch up the x-rays?'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"Surgery up here is free!"

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

Virtual Doctor

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

"... and keep him off al news coverage of healthcare reforms."

'We'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new in-house operations.'

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

'I wasn't feeling ill, doctor, until I started hearing about the NHS reforms.'

NHS Reforms: See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil.

"According to the chart you've either stabilised or flatlined."

The World Pharmaceutical Corporation

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

Republican Healthcare

"I couldn't afford health insurance, so I became a Christian Scientist."

Surgical Self-Service

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

"It looks like we're out of sample placebos."

"They used to call them G.P.s."

Have you drugged your child today?

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

Take a pill so you won't be one.

'Doctor, are you going to finance it or shall I just bill Medicare?'

'Hmmm ... no health insurance. Take him to the Intensive I Don't Care Unit.'

'The bad news is you have a disease that only a highly-paid specialist can pronounce.'

'Sales are up 12% since we moved Recovery over here to the hospital gift shop.'

Doctor's profits match a patient's scar.

"I'm sorry, Mr Percival, but what you've got is not economically treatable."