Health Care Commentator Prints

'I don't want surgery...can you just touch up the x-rays?'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"Surgery up here is free!"

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

Virtual Doctor

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

The End Is Nigh. . . Told You

"... and keep him off al news coverage of healthcare reforms."

'We'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new in-house operations.'

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

NHS Reforms: See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil.

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

The World Pharmaceutical Corporation

'I wasn't feeling ill, doctor, until I started hearing about the NHS reforms.'

"According to the chart you've either stabilised or flatlined."

Take a pill so you won't be one.

Surgical Self-Service

Republican Healthcare

"They used to call them G.P.s."

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

Have you drugged your child today?

"I couldn't afford health insurance, so I became a Christian Scientist."

"It looks like we're out of sample placebos."

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

'Doctor, are you going to finance it or shall I just bill Medicare?'

'Hmmm ... no health insurance. Take him to the Intensive I Don't Care Unit.'

'The bad news is you have a disease that only a highly-paid specialist can pronounce.'

"But Doctor - will the government pay for Ferris Buelleritis?"

"I'm sorry, Mr Percival, but what you've got is not economically treatable."

"Your health insurance doesn't cover what you've got...so I'm diagnosing you with something they do cover."