Comedic Clinician Gifts

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

"To be or not to be."

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

Caution. Slippery when wet.

"Any qualifications other than speaking the language."

'Well, that WAS an impressive string of obscenities, but I think I'll stick with the Hippocratic oath.'

"Now, now, relax. All you're gonna feel is a quick jab."

A question you don't want - "How many fingers am I holding up."

"What fly?"

'You've got lot toe!'

'You're either getting smaller or they're giving you bigger pillows.'

'Look, another Now Available store is opening! Maybe yo could get a job there. They seem to be opening stores all over town!'

'Who's your next of kin? When did you last eat or drink? Do you have any allergies? Are you wearing clean underpants?'

A therapist reads to his patient from a joke book.

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

'We'll have a bed for you in a couple of days.'

The only way I can get through a nudist convention.

"Enough medical mumbo jumbo, just give it to me straight, Doc-will I ever be able to play piano again?"

'Oh george dear, the landlord has raised the rent!' 'Has he? I can't!'

Clown Firing Squad.

Flying Ear Specialist

Nil By Ear

'Hi Honey! I wanted to thank you for taking the baby to day care this morning!'

You think you have feelings of worthlessness? You ought to see my portfolio!

REPORT CARD, 'This is going to be tough to spin.'