Comedic Clinician Gifts

"5 second rule!"

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

"To be or not to be."

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

Caution. Slippery when wet.

'Well, that WAS an impressive string of obscenities, but I think I'll stick with the Hippocratic oath.'

"Any qualifications other than speaking the language."

"Now, now, relax. All you're gonna feel is a quick jab."

'You've got lot toe!'

A question you don't want - "How many fingers am I holding up."

'You're either getting smaller or they're giving you bigger pillows.'

"What fly?"

'Look, another Now Available store is opening! Maybe yo could get a job there. They seem to be opening stores all over town!'

"It's time to end the suffering."

'He's lookin' at me!'

'Who's your next of kin? When did you last eat or drink? Do you have any allergies? Are you wearing clean underpants?'

'I'm beginning to see some change in you.'

'We'll have a bed for you in a couple of days.'

Al, you need to get over your childish desire for a pony. It's not childish, doctor. I only started wanting one last week.

The only way I can get through a nudist convention.

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

A therapist reads to his patient from a joke book.

"Enough medical mumbo jumbo, just give it to me straight, Doc-will I ever be able to play piano again?"

Clown Firing Squad.

'Oh george dear, the landlord has raised the rent!' 'Has he? I can't!'

You think you have feelings of worthlessness? You ought to see my portfolio!

I told you to take the stairs instead of elevators. Taking escalators isn't meeting me halfway.

Flying Ear Specialist

Nil By Ear

'Hi Honey! I wanted to thank you for taking the baby to day care this morning!'