Comedic Healthcare Worker Gifts

"Doctor! This is not the time for the 'pull my finger' gag!"

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

Caution. Slippery when wet.

'Well, that WAS an impressive string of obscenities, but I think I'll stick with the Hippocratic oath.'

"Now, now, relax. All you're gonna feel is a quick jab."

'We're looking with someone with balls...not an enlarged prostate.'

A question you don't want - "How many fingers am I holding up."

'You're either getting smaller or they're giving you bigger pillows.'

'He's lookin' at me!'

A therapist reads to his patient from a joke book.

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

"I'm no longer cleaning my whole apartment. . . Just the 'Zoom Zone.'"

'We'll have a bed for you in a couple of days.'

"5 second rule!"

"Enough medical mumbo jumbo, just give it to me straight, Doc-will I ever be able to play piano again?"

'Hi Honey! I wanted to thank you for taking the baby to day care this morning!'

You think you have feelings of worthlessness? You ought to see my portfolio!

Flying Ear Specialist

I told you to take the stairs instead of elevators. Taking escalators isn't meeting me halfway.

'I got the idea from a veterinarian friend of mine.'

"I know you're just trying to be helpful, but why don't you let me decide where my acupunture needles should go?"

'No appointments are available for the next three months, but you can always call in to the doctor's talk show.'

'...You are on a waiting list to be ill.'

"We're still figuring out how to monetise him."

"Please feel free to feel ill at ease while you're here."

Employment Office. You're still only finding temporary jobs? Yeah, my income stream is not continuously flowing and it never reaches flood stage.

'A good rule of thumb is never to eat anything that won't fit into your microwave.'

'You can only come in if you've been CRB checked.'

"Since this whole COVID thing I've had to adjust my practice."

'I want a divorce, Lenny.'

"The video of you giving that big bloke a piece of your mind has gone viral!"

I've hidden your clothes until you pay your last bill.

'I do not think I'm a God. God like, yes. But not God.'