Comedic Worker Gifts

'You'd get more work done if you didn't stop and smell the roses so often!'

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

Caution. Slippery when wet.

'We're looking with someone with balls...not an enlarged prostate.'

'You're either getting smaller or they're giving you bigger pillows.'

'He's lookin' at me!'

Dreaming about work is not necessarily bad...unless it always occurs at work.

"I'm no longer cleaning my whole apartment. . . Just the 'Zoom Zone.'"

"5 second rule!"

'You sure we can't afford another ladder?'

You think you have feelings of worthlessness? You ought to see my portfolio!

'Hi Honey! I wanted to thank you for taking the baby to day care this morning!'

Flying Ear Specialist

Alexander Graham Bell receives his first telephone call.

'I got the idea from a veterinarian friend of mine.'

"Plan B was to supplement my retirement income as a party clown, and that brings me to my loan application."

"We're still figuring out how to monetise him."

Employment Office. You're still only finding temporary jobs? Yeah, my income stream is not continuously flowing and it never reaches flood stage.

"Doctor! This is not the time for the 'pull my finger' gag!"

'You screwed-up the Benson account, Fenwick, but don't worry

'You can only come in if you've been CRB checked.'

So sorry, I dialled the wrong number. I dialled my salary by mistake.

'I want a divorce, Lenny.'

'I do not think I'm a God. God like, yes. But not God.'

'This isn't the kind of sales job I was hoping for.'

'You're not sucking. You're playing.'

'So, you're a serious investor? Lighten up!'

"I yelled 'shazam' and there was lightning and a big explosion. They say I was unconcious for two hours."

"You're enjoying this, aren't you – hammering away at my credibility."

'No, I did not visit merely to tweak your nose!'

'Why's Burl hiding in the back seat, Joy?'

'The bird bath is broken.'