Comedic Workplace Observer Gifts

'Why's Burl hiding in the back seat, Joy?'

"Tell me more about your 'extensive experience in acquisitions'."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'I give this one about three months...'

'This chair ain't big enough for the both of us.'

"My computer just texted me."

"Missing a call is no excuse for eating your assistant."

'All applicants for employment must first submit to a company physical - We use it to eliminate anyone with a backbone.'

'Wow! That yogapilates has really paid off!'

Runner going through hurdles.

'Have you decided who's going to be team leader?'

You're right, boss, there may be too much idle chit-chat, but let me talk it over with my friends.

'You seem young, Perkins. Why, I bet I was incarcerated before you were even born.'

'You're not the manager I expected.' - 'So blame yourself for having lousy judgement.'

"We'll be single again in Heaven, right?"

'Don't try to use me. I'm not user friendly!'

Good solution. Now we need a good problem.

'Cut out the hearsay and get back to work, Ms. Sims.'

Age-salary ratio

"Don't think of it as hell. . . just think of it as a normally recurring seasonal weather pattern."

"Hey! This is news."

"I don't have a 'first hired, last fired' policy. I just fire!"

'Webster, is it just me, or do our new employees seem to be younger every year,'

"Oh, he claims I bit his head off, did he? And I suppose you BELIEVED him?"

Glimpses One Dollar

"That report you wrote sure made me look good to the board... Take an extra five minutes for lunch!"

'They're always going on and on about 'carrying management' so this seemed like a natural...'

'I'm afraid of being left behind.'

I don't feel very secure on this job.

"|For some reason, the boss is obsessed with my screen."

'I never question your ability. I never even mention it.'

'Lets see now, Henderson, you've not shown any initiative because nobody asked you to.'

'If you have a problem, take it up with the boss. His door is always open.'

'I'm knitting you sweater... do you want it too big or too small?'