Comedic Healthcare Observer Gifts

"Ashley wanted to play doctor, but I'm trying to stay out of the health care debate."

Eating Pills

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

'This chair ain't big enough for the both of us.'

"My computer just texted me."

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

'Wow! That yogapilates has really paid off!'

Runner going through hurdles.

"We'll be single again in Heaven, right?"

'It's important to treat all our patients as individuals...this for example is individual number 78/yh5-fg34c.'

Glimpses One Dollar

"Don't think of it as hell. . . just think of it as a normally recurring seasonal weather pattern."

"Hey! This is news."

'I'm knitting you sweater... do you want it too big or too small?'

Men and Women's changing rooms

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"5 second rule!"

I told you to take the stairs instead of elevators. Taking escalators isn't meeting me halfway.

Flying Ear Specialist

Screenwasher cleaning buggy.

"It's a simple stress test - I do your blood work, send it to the lab, and never get back to you with the results."

"Those bullet holes are something new, aren't they?"

"What's the big deal? All these politicians talk about a health care plan! I have a health care plan!"

"Okay, but just a quick kiss, Joey... You did see my father's gun collection, right?"

"What they hell are we looking at."

Copenhagen Three Degrees.

'...You are on a waiting list to be ill.'

"How's the gastric band working out?"

'Mismatched Mantras'

My cousins from Barcelona show up announced and have been here for weeks! The Spanish imposition!

'My parents are having a fight right now.'

"Mom said to make sure you don't goof up shopping online."

'I think I'm seeing double again!'

"This new pharmacist gives me the willies." "Surprise! Make America Great Again!"

"I was gonna try yoga, but I don't actually bend so that's not going to work."