Comedic Workplace Philosopher Gifts

Dreaming about work is not necessarily bad...unless it always occurs at work.

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

'T.M.I.F.'

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

'How many times have I told to seize the day before it seizes you?'

"If you could be in any cubicle, which one would it be?"

'Don't worry. No one else knows what they are doing either.'

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

Office slaves.

After a day long meeting, the decision, as usual, is made in the hallway.

Feedback should be sought for genuine reasons, not because you want compliments. . .

"Look at them smiling. They've reached their comfort zone."

"We're all just a number here, Finch, and fortunately my number is one."

"This is Briggs, our new department head. He's got an amazing knack for reducing complex problems into easy-to-understand witch hunts!"

'I've given a lot of thought to giving some thought to your latest proposal.'

Motivation to work

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

We're cutting the forest in half, so I'm going to need you to make the oxygen of two trees.

I'm not making enough money to like you.

'I just don't feel I'm getting anywhere.'

'You did turn the company around... but we liked it the way it was...'

"We structured the deal so it won't make any sense to you."

'I want to empower you to fulfill your potential! If you can work 16 hours today, then your 20-hours shift tomorrow should really elevate your self-esteem'!

'My pessimism keeps me optimistic.'

"We do all those old tricks electronically now."

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

"You call this sweating bullets over the Jackson account? What caliber?"