Workplace Philosopher Gifts

". . . So what's with bosses these days? It seems like I can never find a good one."

"I think we're all agreed that we need to focus 110% on meeting strategic corporate goals."

'Thanks, Brian, for your thoughtful and constructive proposal. Without further ado, we'll now dive into malicious, envy-based criticism, character assassination and petty bickering!'

'Don't worry about doing the right thing. There'll be plenty of time for that when you're fired,retired,or reincarnated.'

Your supervisor says you've been giving 100%, but at the rate of 20% each day.

"Meanwhile, obsessing about productivity is way up."

'If you really must know, I didn't give you a bonus this year because you're small,weak and I know I can take you.'

'Come on, you can always fit one more.'

"For the last time, Crawford, our firm is 'warm and fuzzy,' not 'touchy-feely.'"

'And then, get this: she tells me I compartmentalize my feelings!'

I will not be off sick so often. "We find formal disciplinary action most effective in this firm."

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

"This part about accepting the things I cannot change...I want that changed."

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

'Company policy is to treat all our clients badly.'

"Brodman, after giving it much thought, I've decided to let you go for no apparent reason."

"I hate goodbyes too, Larry, but I'm just going to get a coffee"

'Jill's right. 'We offer a challenging work environment' sounds better than 'Welcome to the salt mines.''

'Remember, Hannon, give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll have no further use for you.'

'Bill, we've decided to send you back to the minors for a while so you can brush up on your delegating!'

'Our mission statement should be clearer once we figure out what the hell we do.'

Workers family tree.

'Jenkins, the company feels it's time we offered you the opportunity tofind a better job...'

"Just go with the workflow."

'You can stop worrying about job burnout.'

"She's always like this at this time of the month,short tempered, insecure,anxious,questioning why she does the job!" "PMT?" "Wageslip!"

'I'd like to pay you what you're worth, but I can't. There's a minimum wage law.'

You've been with us for over forty years now, Withers...why?

"That idea of yours has saved the company millions. And I'm going to see to it that you get ?1.00 a week raise!"

Man putting a piece of paper into a Suggestion Box. The piece of paper is seen flying out of a hole on the other side of the wall into a bin.

The role of administration.

"Race, gender, and sex are off limits, but the last time I looked you can still discriminate on the basis of food preference."

'Not only does he suffer from anxiety, he makes everyone else suffer from it too.'

'Do you prefer rosy rhetoric or the plain truth that I'm firing you?'

"I misjudged you Fenton. I thought you were a 'mover and shaker' but all the time you were just bobbing and weaving."