Office Philosopher Gifts

Complaints and Gratitude.

Department of Pure Speculation.

"What do you mean, you need to find a balance between work and family? We consider you part of our family."

'Then again, if you're not very smart, it's OK to just work harder.'

"You have not shown initiative because I never asked you to?"

"Now I want you to reflect on these corporate values and see how they compare with your private priorities."

'We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees.

"We structured the deal so it won't make any sense to you."

'...the acronym was just too cool to shut it down.'

"I think the reason our international unit is performing badly is because our mission statement says 'think locally and act locally'."

'In hindsight, I believe that our oversight was shortsighted. At least that's my insight.'

Business Sisyphus

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

Buttons at elevator: Up, Down, Undecided.

"You mean all those part time, temporary, no-benefits employees quit??? Where's that old fashioned company loyalty?"

"Any experience?"

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

We're looking at better ways to share our knowledge & expertise. But I'm not going to tell you what they are.'

MJX Corporation: Committed to Excellence and Whatnot.

'Variety is the spice of life, O'Toole; but at this firm conformity is the meat and potatoes.'

"'Honesty is the best policy.' O.K.! Now, what's the second-best policy?"

For 29 years, Bert's strategy had been to reach retirement without making any waves,missteps or career-limiting moves. And it might have worked, too, if only he'd foreseen the fossilization risk.

'We were going to define the problem but it was simpler to re-define success.'

'Do you remember when all we had to worry about was client care?'

"You knew it was a dead-end job when you took it 35 years ago. Why the sudden interest in life?"

"And mark it 'strictly confidential' - I want everybody to read it."

Management: The illusion of control. Middle Management: The illusion of Usefulness. Wage Earners: The Illusion of Being Appreciated.

'I can live with you not wanting to push the envelope, but your refusal to think outside the box...'

'I'd love to pay you what you're worth Simpson, but I'm tied by the minimum wage now.'

'Don't bother me with facts. Tell me what I want to hear.'

'I think I'd have an easier time thinking out-of-the-box if I didn't have to spend the entire day in a cubicle.'

'We want you to think 'outside of the box', we need radical new ideas to boost productivity we need you to use your imaginations...and this is how we want you to do it.'

'I fix problems you didn't know you had in ways you wouldn't understand.'

'Sometimes, it's good to get a different perspective.'

Global Inc.'s 'valued employees.'