Witty Office Philosopher Gifts

"These water cooler chats have really helped me understand the climate crisis, Bob."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

'T.M.I.F.'

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

'How many times have I told to seize the day before it seizes you?'

"If you could be in any cubicle, which one would it be?"

'Don't worry. No one else knows what they are doing either.'

Office slaves.

After a day long meeting, the decision, as usual, is made in the hallway.

Feedback should be sought for genuine reasons, not because you want compliments. . .

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

"We're all just a number here, Finch, and fortunately my number is one."

"This is Briggs, our new department head. He's got an amazing knack for reducing complex problems into easy-to-understand witch hunts!"

'I've given a lot of thought to giving some thought to your latest proposal.'

'You did turn the company around... but we liked it the way it was...'

We're cutting the forest in half, so I'm going to need you to make the oxygen of two trees.

"We structured the deal so it won't make any sense to you."

'I want to empower you to fulfill your potential! If you can work 16 hours today, then your 20-hours shift tomorrow should really elevate your self-esteem'!

"We do all those old tricks electronically now."

"You call this sweating bullets over the Jackson account? What caliber?"

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

"Progress is going around in the same circle...but faster."

'Our company has hit an iceberg and is sinking fast. Of course, it's all very symbolic.'

'Ask yourself, 'What is it I'm not doing?', and then ask yourself, 'What is it I'm doing too much?'.'