Witty Office Mate Gifts

Call Your Office

Trays on desk read, 'Here', 'There' and, 'Neither here nor there.'

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

'Should be home soon. I'm just clearing away the usual paperwork.'

"Shankar, I needed someone to dot the 'I's' and cross the 'T's' but that was before there was ChatGPT."

'Wow, I sure got a lot of mail today!'

Cog-In-The-Wheel

'Your advert didn't say anything about intelligence... it said you wanted a manager!'

'I can't say I like your cavalier attitude Benson.'

"Yes, it was 'love at first sight'. But, by the time I'd made my first opticians appointment we were already married."

Ordnance: 'explode...implode'.

'Botox.'

' And just when you thought it couldn't get any worse...'

'I want you guys to be aware that a dog-eat-dog environment works for me.'

"I hope your day is going bad."

'You don't mind distractions as much as me, so I didn't think you'd mind if my kids played in your office today.'

'Can we just do this pass-fail?'

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

'I told him that I was leaving...that I couldn't put up with the endless stream of meaningless paperwork, the mind and morale sapping mountain of procedures and protocols!'

"Every time he elbow bumps me, he hits my funny bone on purpose."

"My husband would get out and change the tire, but he has a lug nut allergy."

"I miss the old water cooler."

"Apropos your request for a salary increase, we're going to have you appraised."

"I'm leaving Friday and we are all going to the club after work. Will you come?"

"My compliments to whoever opened the can."

"Here's a juicy bit of gossip for you!"

You're getting that office with windows you've always wanted - you'll be working from your car in the parking lot with a laptop.

'May I play through please?'

'I quit drinking coffee with lunch - it was keeping me awake all afternoon.'

"When Human Resources said that we needed a more diverse workforce I'm not sure THAT'S what they meant!"

'You had a lunch date, but I cancelled it because it was your turn to pay.'

Junk Bonds - In and Out trays.

"A word of advice. . . next time you use the firm's intranet to send a message of undying love. Don't press 'send all'."

"We are still hoping to add a few more details later."

"Your vacation is over, deal with it!"