Office Philosophers Gifts

'We laid off too many people. Our only real revenue came from the employee parking lot.'

"I'm only in it for the money. Is that normal?"

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

'Our corporate culture is simple. We hire energetic young folks like you, then exploit them with low wages, long hours and mind-numbing projects until there's nothing left but dried-up shells of existential regret.'

Here but not in...

Government Offices / In tray, No Exit tray.

"I don't love you any less. It's just a decrease in the rate of increase."

'I can't give you a raise, Milhouse, because I'm going broke supplying you with health care.'

'You may be serving Him up there, but don't forget...I'm boss down here.'

"A glimmer of hope is fine, Hendricks, but anything more than that will lead to massive disappointment."

"Not the best motivational statement I've ever seen!"

"Hard work got me to where I am today and yours will help ensure I stay there."

"I would say 'life's not fair,' but I think you know that."

"Exscuse me, but I think I'm in the wrong shaped hole."

'What is the meaning of poorly attended staff meetings.'

'If I may say so, and I believe I may...'

Ladder of Success.

'I don't have opinions. I have directives.'

'Whatever you do, don't tell them you think you're ready to take on more responsibility.'

'Beware of 'up and comers' until you've 'been there and gone'.'

"This was my father's desk, He frequently banged his head on it."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

"If you could be in any cubicle, which one would it be?"

"Actually, the district office is getting better results with a fresh garlic bagel."

'Don't worry. No one else knows what they are doing either.'