Workplace Observer Gifts

'If you have a problem, take it up with the boss. His door is always open.'

You're right, boss, there may be too much idle chit-chat, but let me talk it over with my friends.

'I've never been a clock watcher before I came here!'

'Webster, is it just me, or do our new employees seem to be younger every year,'

Everyone in accounting hated Jerry.

"|For some reason, the boss is obsessed with my screen."

"I don't have a 'first hired, last fired' policy. I just fire!"

"I'm actually not too bad at my job when you factor in how much I hate working here."

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

"Serendipity is not a strategy."

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'I give this one about three months...'

He used to pass the buck, since being promoted to management he gets to call it delegating authority.

Terry had a computer bug.

'Chicken Farms - Pecking Order'

'I'm looking for an assistant who knows my job, can do my job, but has no interest in having my job.'

'I miss telling people they can't have a day off to be with their sick children!'

'All applicants for employment must first submit to a company physical - We use it to eliminate anyone with a backbone.'

"Missing a call is no excuse for eating your assistant."

"What we need in this organisation is more personal contact."

'Have you decided who's going to be team leader?'

'How dare they make these kind of suggestions?!'

'My salary increase got a few oo-hs.. but no ah-hs..'

'You seem young, Perkins. Why, I bet I was incarcerated before you were even born.'

'I suppose it was a blessing. Toward the end he was finding it very difficult to remain competitive.'

"I've put every one of those vital master copies through here, and it took ages. Where do the copies come out?"

'Don't try to use me. I'm not user friendly!'

"Remember that requirement that you work without supervision? Forget it."

'You're not the manager I expected.' - 'So blame yourself for having lousy judgement.'

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

Good solution. Now we need a good problem.

'Closing the letter with 'Very fondly yours' seems okay but let's run it by legal, to be sure it cannot be misinterpreted as sexual harassment.'