Comedic Careerists Gifts

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

Wedding Day Itinerary.

My brilliant career

Visual Gag: An about to be married Bride using a real train as a wedding gown train

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

'Next time you want to cheat and use someone else's resume, I suggest you do more than scratch out his name and put yours above it.'

'Whenever I want to cut my lesson short, I ask the music teacher if she has any hip-hop music for the violin.'

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

'We're looking with someone with balls...not an enlarged prostate.'

'The cannon will go off every 20 minutes just to make sure you're paying attention,'

'I have never seen a resume prepared in pastels and oil paint. How long have you been unemployed?'

Jumble Sale

'Guys, I think this is one of those 'let it go' moments in life when you have to relax and just trust the processor!'

'You have a 9:00 A.M. appointment with your ophthalmologist to check your vision and a 11:00 A.M. appointment with the staff to rally the troops around your vision.'

"You heading south again this summer?"

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

Jeff makes some nice jugs.

"Your experience is impressive and your qualifications excellent but I'm afraid you're let down by not being the same as everyone else."

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

'There were a lot of highly qualified applicants, but I was particularly impressed by your resume.'

"Any other educational qualifications besides Trump university?"

Rollercoaster police chase.

You need to stay home and study. Mom! It's an educational opportunity

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

"Why aren't you wearing any pants?"

'You mean if I want extra money I have to go to work? That's your job, dad.'

"It's your husband from beyond. He says stop trying to 'Google' him."

'If they let me take you home for christmas, I'll be able to unwrap you with the presents...'

'So, what have we learnt here? We do not have knife fights on the bouncy castle!'

'Oh... I was supposed to swallow the pill?!'

"When you said you were getting a pet to help you through the lockdown, I thought you meant a cat."

Heaven on the Phone to Hell - 'We've got Sky.'