Comedic Strategists Gifts

"It's time to go home and put our parents into a panic over the upcoming back to school shopping season..."

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Zoo: No Hunting.

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

'Our recommended position on the market is fetal.'

'He keeps grounding out the energy flow.'

I must be losing my grip, he didn't query the bill...

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

'Whenever I want to cut my lesson short, I ask the music teacher if she has any hip-hop music for the violin.'

'The cannon will go off every 20 minutes just to make sure you're paying attention,'

"We got him onto an exercise bike, but I'm afraid it was too late."

"Don't think of it as forgetting stuff. Think of it as freeing up brain space."

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

'Listen son-if God had wanted us to fly he would have given us air tickets.'

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

"If atheism is a religion, why hasn't it broken up into splinter groups who murder each other?"

'You have a 9:00 A.M. appointment with your ophthalmologist to check your vision and a 11:00 A.M. appointment with the staff to rally the troops around your vision.'

"We should take life one step at a time." "OK, but not right now...there's some dogs do-do right in front of us!"

'You're in luck - My parents like you.'

'I don't remember his name, but he also sold me $14,000 worth of aluminum siding.'

"So, all this talk about appealing to our better angels..."

So the short answer is no; these aren't billable hours.

"I expected to see some politicians in there!"

"Great pet, but we should have given him less energy."

The next step in human evolution was homophilanthropist.