Comedy Strategist Gifts

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

21st century water cooler conversations.

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

Under new blame.

Coronavirus Windmills

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

"What are you going to do to make sure you reach this year's financial goals?"

'Our recommended position on the market is fetal.'

"I say we downsize the company to the five of us and see if we can isolate the problem then."

'I thought the memo was quite clear. What part didn't you understand?'

'I still say there are better ways to decide which positions to eliminate!'

"Last week on 'Top Surgeon' Erica won immunity, while Carl was sent home for killing his patient during routine gallbladder surgery."

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

'I'll place the bets. You just be sure to hit the hare with the tranquilizer.'

'It's true. There was a coup.'

'Our company needs a tougher image. So from here on out we'll answer the phone with the greeting, 'what the hell do you want?!'

'Look at him with another business model on his arm.'

"Take this mission statement and rewrite it so that it sounds like we care about our customers."

'Now here's my idea...we come up with a really high-priced drug to treat drug side effects...'

'Whenever I want to cut my lesson short, I ask the music teacher if she has any hip-hop music for the violin.'

'The cannon will go off every 20 minutes just to make sure you're paying attention,'

'The Board's meeting at nine O'clock - you bring the smoke, I'll bring the mirrors.'

'Remember, son, when the going gets tough, bail out!'

BP Waiter: Dinner is served!

"This may seem counter intuitive, but maybe the solution is to lighten up."

'All my children have been successful. Frank here is in the Oval Office.'

Fermeture des restaurants: la résistance s'organise

"This is where the money will be spent. Oh, sorry. That's a picture of a black hole."

'Finally, here's your chance to do something extraordinarily good for our company - quit and start working for the competitor!'

Coronavirus dancing around an EU flag

"Every day you work like a dog. I just want to say 'Thank You!'"