Strategic Humorist Gifts

'Excuse me for staring, but we don't get to see a lot of royalty around these parts.'

'Sir! We're all doomed! It's a fitted sheet! How can we ever hope to stop something we can't even fold?!'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

Intelligent people laugh too!

Scarcity

"Je suis Descartes, donc, je pense."

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

Archimedes statue with a lever

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

Under new blame.

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

Coronavirus Windmills

After defeating terror, George and his friends declare war on mild irritation and clouds.

Schrödinger and his cat

"Our long-term plan is like our short-term plan, only longer."

"What are you going to do to make sure you reach this year's financial goals?"

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

'Our recommended position on the market is fetal.'

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

"I say we downsize the company to the five of us and see if we can isolate the problem then."

'I thought the memo was quite clear. What part didn't you understand?'

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'I still say there are better ways to decide which positions to eliminate!'

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

A planet like ours - pub quiz dolphin

'I'll place the bets. You just be sure to hit the hare with the tranquilizer.'

'Look at him with another business model on his arm.'

'Our company needs a tougher image. So from here on out we'll answer the phone with the greeting, 'what the hell do you want?!'

"The problem is you say Nietzsche and expect everything to be just peachy."

'It's true. There was a coup.'