Humor Strategist Gifts

A sign at a nuclear power plant - 'In case of emergency run!'

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

"When you say he's smart, do you mean in a tests-well way or in a lot-of-money way?"

"Trust me, he knows how they think."

'Although we've vanquished the invaders from Paperland, we really should have allied with them for the impending attack on us by Rockland!'

If cartoonists fought wars.

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

21st century water cooler conversations.

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

Burmese pythons discussing a complete invasion.

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

Under new blame.

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

After defeating terror, George and his friends declare war on mild irritation and clouds.

Coronavirus Windmills

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

'Our recommended position on the market is fetal.'

"I say we downsize the company to the five of us and see if we can isolate the problem then."

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

"What are you going to do to make sure you reach this year's financial goals?"

'I thought the memo was quite clear. What part didn't you understand?'

'I still say there are better ways to decide which positions to eliminate!'

'I'll place the bets. You just be sure to hit the hare with the tranquilizer.'

'Look at him with another business model on his arm.'

'It's true. There was a coup.'

'Our company needs a tougher image. So from here on out we'll answer the phone with the greeting, 'what the hell do you want?!'

"Take this mission statement and rewrite it so that it sounds like we care about our customers."

'Now here's my idea...we come up with a really high-priced drug to treat drug side effects...'

'The Board's meeting at nine O'clock - you bring the smoke, I'll bring the mirrors.'

'I know it's a lot of money but we can't avoid it any longer.'

"This may seem counter intuitive, but maybe the solution is to lighten up."

'Remember, son, when the going gets tough, bail out!'