Satire Strategist Gifts

"The boss says he has an open door policy."

'I told you not to let the children play with your Tony Blair effigy.'

Copycats

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

Skeptic Tank.

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

"I'm gonna be a 'New Yorker' cartoonist. You're not supposed to understand it."

Under new blame.

"I can't come in today, I'm feeling like myself."

Coronavirus Windmills

"Our long-term plan is like our short-term plan, only longer."

'Our recommended position on the market is fetal.'

"I say we downsize the company to the five of us and see if we can isolate the problem then."

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

"What are you going to do to make sure you reach this year's financial goals?"

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

'I thought the memo was quite clear. What part didn't you understand?'

'I still say there are better ways to decide which positions to eliminate!'

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

'Coleridge'

'I'll place the bets. You just be sure to hit the hare with the tranquilizer.'

The Jerry Scarer

'Look at him with another business model on his arm.'

'Our company needs a tougher image. So from here on out we'll answer the phone with the greeting, 'what the hell do you want?!'

'It's true. There was a coup.'

"Take this mission statement and rewrite it so that it sounds like we care about our customers."

'Now here's my idea...we come up with a really high-priced drug to treat drug side effects...'

'The Board's meeting at nine O'clock - you bring the smoke, I'll bring the mirrors.'

'Remember, son, when the going gets tough, bail out!'

"This may seem counter intuitive, but maybe the solution is to lighten up."

"Edgar's very politically engaged ever since he began using his vote as an anger management tool."