Strategy Satirist Gifts

'Here's a composite of our target consumer.'

'Fair enough… and what about your long-term goals?'

'And that's our strategy...or not.'

'Barnhill from Marketing will present our economic projections.'

"Is this your entire business plan?"

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'Shhhh. Fido inherited seventy percent of this company.'

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

"Leadership is all about knowing who to delegate responsibility for all your mistakes."

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

Parade of Businessmen

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

Businessman with in and out boxes marked: 'Hocus' and 'Pocus'

"We're all just a number here, Finch, and fortunately my number is one."

'Before we start, shall we go round the table, and each share our name and a horrible dark secret from our past.'

"In a further effort to increase profits, control costs and satisfy shareholders, we've decided to steal stuff."

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

Stock market investment advice

'The massive arrests have made the plans for downsizing much easier.'

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

"No, I'm not really a CEO. I just like to keep up with the Joneses."

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

Pin the blame on the donkey.