Satirical Strategist Gifts

'Once you get the hang of it, crisis management is fairly straightforward.'

'I thought the memo was quite clear. What part didn't you understand?'

They laid off half the staff and installed a mirror, hoping no one would notice.

"Take this mission statement and rewrite it so that it sounds like we care about our customers."

'This is how our new no-risk pension scheme works.'

'Well the good news is that you will be the team leader...the bad news...you are the team.'

'That leaves plan 'B' - absconding with the remaining funds.'

'It worked. We expressed remorse, asked for forgiveness and sales are up sixty percent.'

'We won't exactly be firing you, Brubaker. However we are switching to an all-volunteer work force.'

'Leaders need to be prepared to make sacrifices, and you're mine!'

'Why didn't we get the Bodson account?' - 'We were outbribed by the competition.'

'I still say there are better ways to decide which positions to eliminate!'

"You have no new messages."

'Something New for the Holidays'

'In my proposed management reorganization plan, we shuffle our desks around like this, really FAST, announce we've made a 50% staff reduction, and hope nobody notices!'

'Now here's my idea...we come up with a really high-priced drug to treat drug side effects...'

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

Hidden Agenda

"It's Beijing. They're prepared to take over our debts if we teach them how to slow down an economy."

'The idea bureaucracy is on the increase is RIDICULOUS... and I have the reports to prove it!'

'I can't see the forest for the trees, Henderson. Have the trees cut down.'

"But if I don't know the corporate values then I'm not accountable to them."

'The Board's meeting at nine O'clock - you bring the smoke, I'll bring the mirrors.'

'See if you can rotate that sales graph a quarter turn to the left. I think that will boost the morale around here.'

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

"Right, all those in favour of a car boot sale?"

'I WARNED you about community organizers!'

"It's a smart app. It locks the doors and windows if it hears the words 'change management consultant'."

"They must be planning to do a real number on us. It looks like they've brought along an accountant."

'Remember, son, when the going gets tough, bail out!'

'I thought this was supposed to be a hostile takeover.'

'I think we're going to have to add another storey downstairs...'

Stephen Harper: Only for you my love.

'Haven't you heard? There are no winners anymore. We hire only also-rans.'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'