Satirical Strategy Gifts

The Jerry Scarer

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"Brian's fine. He`s got his own coping mechanism."

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

"This is a tune about going off the grid and getting back to nature."

Reverse psychology

The World's Biggest Book Club

Under new blame.

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

'I'd go back if I were you.'

"David live a rich, full life, despite what his Wikipedia page says."

Coronavirus Windmills

"In school we learned about Staten Island. Is that where they make all those pills you take?"

"Our long-term plan is like our short-term plan, only longer."

'Johnson, if you're going to have negative thoughts, I suggest you get rid of that thought balloon!'

"What are you going to do to make sure you reach this year's financial goals?"

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."

"Hey germ, pick on someone your own size."

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

"I say we downsize the company to the five of us and see if we can isolate the problem then."

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

'I thought the memo was quite clear. What part didn't you understand?'

'I still say there are better ways to decide which positions to eliminate!'

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

'I'll place the bets. You just be sure to hit the hare with the tranquilizer.'

"You like it? It’s from the MoMA Store!"