Strategy Satire Enthusiast Gifts

"Trying to improve customer loyalty is okay, but kidnapping customers and locking them in your cellar is not the right way to go about it."

"No, a business model and a booth babe aren't the same thing."

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

A fight in the Boardroom.

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'Ah, Galagher, we made good use of your proposal.'

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

After a day long meeting, the decision, as usual, is made in the hallway.

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

"Peterson proposes we move out of the mountains."

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

"So let's roll up our sleeves and show that America still builds the world's greatest advertising."

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'

Target your customer.

'What are we, wimps? Are we gonna let a bunch of rabbits push us all over the field? Come on, big guys.'

Under new blame.

"Now I'll demonstrate how, with a minimum of capital investment, you can make a mountain out of a molehill!"

'What kind of a mission statement is that?'

'We took the old plan, folded in half, and now it's the new plan.'

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

"I was a lot happier with the elephant in the room."

"It's not bulls**t if we call it strategy."

Coronavirus Windmills

Now that I finally have an expense account, there's no time to eat.

Game changing

Business Target

'We use a modified 'carrot and stick' approach here - We've done away with the carrot.'

'Don't look now, but I think we're being followed.'

'We're well positioned, but we lack leadership.'