Strategic Planning Satirist Gifts

"We are still hoping to add a few more details later."

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'Shhhh. Fido inherited seventy percent of this company.'

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"Leadership is all about knowing who to delegate responsibility for all your mistakes."

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

"We're all just a number here, Finch, and fortunately my number is one."

Businessman with in and out boxes marked: 'Hocus' and 'Pocus'

Parade of Businessmen

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'Before we start, shall we go round the table, and each share our name and a horrible dark secret from our past.'

"In a further effort to increase profits, control costs and satisfy shareholders, we've decided to steal stuff."

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'The massive arrests have made the plans for downsizing much easier.'

Stock market investment advice

'How about we just sit here a while to regulate the gaps in our service?..'

Pin the blame on the donkey.

"We need to think outside the pentangle."

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

"No, I'm not really a CEO. I just like to keep up with the Joneses."

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."