The Satirical Strategist Gifts

"We're not admitting any wrong doing, but we've agreed to pay a ten Zillion dollar fine.''

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

"Leadership is all about knowing who to delegate responsibility for all your mistakes."

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

Under new blame.

Coronavirus Windmills

"Our long-term plan is like our short-term plan, only longer."

'I have no one to blame but myself, for now.'

"I say we downsize the company to the five of us and see if we can isolate the problem then."

"What are you going to do to make sure you reach this year's financial goals?"

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

"Pendleton will stay afloat no matter what!"

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

'I thought the memo was quite clear. What part didn't you understand?'

'I still say there are better ways to decide which positions to eliminate!'

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

"You bring up an important concern, but I'm looking for a problem that better fits my preconceived solution."

'I'll place the bets. You just be sure to hit the hare with the tranquilizer.'

'Look at him with another business model on his arm.'

'It's true. There was a coup.'

'Our company needs a tougher image. So from here on out we'll answer the phone with the greeting, 'what the hell do you want?!'

The Jerry Scarer

"Take this mission statement and rewrite it so that it sounds like we care about our customers."

'Now here's my idea...we come up with a really high-priced drug to treat drug side effects...'

'The Board's meeting at nine O'clock - you bring the smoke, I'll bring the mirrors.'

"This may seem counter intuitive, but maybe the solution is to lighten up."

BP Waiter: Dinner is served!

'Remember, son, when the going gets tough, bail out!'

"This is where the money will be spent. Oh, sorry. That's a picture of a black hole."