Comedic Tactician Gifts

Armstrong, the new Ybox game console comes out next week. I've got to get in line at Computer Villa. Nope. You are callous and inhumane. Fortunately, I have a backup plan. Computer Villa sale! If anyone cuts, chew their nose off.

"Hurry up with that dictionary!"

Portrait of a Serial Attorney.

"Works every time."

War never felt the same after the Great Puppy Ambush.

'Whenever I want to cut my lesson short, I ask the music teacher if she has any hip-hop music for the violin.'

The Use of Cavalry

'The cannon will go off every 20 minutes just to make sure you're paying attention,'

'With your permission sir... checkmate.'

'This paintball war has really spun out of control.'

Kosovo.

'You have a 9:00 A.M. appointment with your ophthalmologist to check your vision and a 11:00 A.M. appointment with the staff to rally the troops around your vision.'

'Sir! We're all doomed! It's a fitted sheet! How can we ever hope to stop something we can't even fold?!'

'Do you mean I leave a lot to be desired bad, or a lot to be desired good?'

'Man, I can't believe we didn't think of this before.'

"Now we have all your arrows!"

You need to stay home and study. Mom! It's an educational opportunity

"We can stop the bombardment - the castle surrendered."

You think you have feelings of worthlessness? You ought to see my portfolio!

'You mean if I want extra money I have to go to work? That's your job, dad.'

'Remember his weakness is a pulled tendon, so keep it as high as your bursitis will let you, but take it easy with your fast ball because of my bone chips.'

"Very well done, Samuels. But next time, don't forget your handcuffs."

"Lets stop arguing about the pool. We'll divide it in half and stay on our half."

'I've hired this musician to play a sad melody while I give you a sob story why I didn't do my homework. It's actually quite effective.'

'Sorry JD, there's been a takeover bid.'

Too-Humble Pie.

'It's a special technique called cheating.'

"You're rambling again Dennis."

'I want a divorce, Lenny.'

Military Cupid

'He was a brilliant strategist but not much of a horseman.'

"It's time to go home and put our parents into a panic over the upcoming back to school shopping season..."

'Chess Masters.'

'You and whose army?'

"General, can't we just convince the insurgents to become exsurgents?"