Comedic Tactician T-Shirts

"Hurry up with that dictionary!"

"Works every time."

Portrait of a Serial Attorney.

War never felt the same after the Great Puppy Ambush.

'Whenever I want to cut my lesson short, I ask the music teacher if she has any hip-hop music for the violin.'

'The cannon will go off every 20 minutes just to make sure you're paying attention,'

The Use of Cavalry

'This paintball war has really spun out of control.'

Kosovo.

'With your permission sir... checkmate.'

'You have a 9:00 A.M. appointment with your ophthalmologist to check your vision and a 11:00 A.M. appointment with the staff to rally the troops around your vision.'

'Sir! We're all doomed! It's a fitted sheet! How can we ever hope to stop something we can't even fold?!'

'Do you mean I leave a lot to be desired bad, or a lot to be desired good?'

'Man, I can't believe we didn't think of this before.'

You think you have feelings of worthlessness? You ought to see my portfolio!

"We can stop the bombardment - the castle surrendered."

"Now we have all your arrows!"

'Remember his weakness is a pulled tendon, so keep it as high as your bursitis will let you, but take it easy with your fast ball because of my bone chips.'

'You mean if I want extra money I have to go to work? That's your job, dad.'

"Lets stop arguing about the pool. We'll divide it in half and stay on our half."

"Very well done, Samuels. But next time, don't forget your handcuffs."

'I've hired this musician to play a sad melody while I give you a sob story why I didn't do my homework. It's actually quite effective.'

'Sorry JD, there's been a takeover bid.'

Too-Humble Pie.

'It's a special technique called cheating.'

"You're rambling again Dennis."

'I want a divorce, Lenny.'

'He was a brilliant strategist but not much of a horseman.'

'You and whose army?'

'Chess Masters.'

"General, can't we just convince the insurgents to become exsurgents?"

Confusing the Enemy's Sense of Direction

Military Cupid

"It's time to go home and put our parents into a panic over the upcoming back to school shopping season..."