Timeless Tactician Gifts

"My scheme revolves around making promises that we have no intention of keeping. . . for want of a better word, I've called it 'politics'."

'You're not confident at the water hole are you?'

"Hurry up with that dictionary!"

Nobody mourned Sir Dad-Joke.

Golf lessons

"Works every time."

Armstrong, the new Ybox game console comes out next week. I've got to get in line at Computer Villa. Nope. You are callous and inhumane. Fortunately, I have a backup plan. Computer Villa sale! If anyone cuts, chew their nose off.

"So this is it...the first day of the new school year. I guess studying, tests and report cards are still the hot things around here."

'We'll need some time-delay remote detonators and a big brick of C-4.'

'This paintball war has really spun out of control.'

Musician

'Sir! We're all doomed! It's a fitted sheet! How can we ever hope to stop something we can't even fold?!'

'This service has been brought back in house and outsourced numerous times, I propose that as the contract is up for renewal again we consider 'shaking it all about''

'Man, I can't believe we didn't think of this before.'

"We can stop the bombardment - the castle surrendered."

'So if it goes to the right it's a slice, to the left it's a hook...and down the center.'

'He's switched from tweeting on Twitter to growling on a new social media site called Growler. Suits him better.'

Coiled snake.'Act calm,relax,take a deep breath and reach for your knife slowly.'

"Richard just came in - he must have had a board meeting."

"Lets stop arguing about the pool. We'll divide it in half and stay on our half."

Heroes of the Afghan War

"Spoilsports"

"Yes, you can see the chairman this afternoon - have you ever done any caddying before?"

'Gentlemen, today's meeting will be short, so I'll get right to the point.'

'It's a special technique called cheating.'

"My new time machine is also fantastic if I want to take back a move."

World Championships Tungsten Rubik's Cube

Confusing the Enemy's Sense of Direction

'It was a wonderful evening, Jack...please don't spoil it by asking for a promotion.'

'I am being in the moment. Just not this particular moment.'

'That's quite an offset on your driver. Is that a new design?' 'No, it's an old design from beating it into the ground after years of lousy drives.'

"I'm not going to bother studying that section. I'm just learning to the test."

The only side I take in an argument here is this side of the door.

'Sir, I would recommend the putter for your tee-shot.'

Where golfers come from.