Quirky Tactician Gifts

"We can stop the bombardment - the castle surrendered."

Lynching on social media

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

Nobody mourned Sir Dad-Joke.

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"Works every time."

"My favorite tea: hot daffodil-infused chamomile with a hint of whiskey. Are you serious? Of course I'm serious! I've been dosing myself with small quantities of poisonous daffodil ever since 1931. You have to build up an immunity if you want to survive in the cutthroat world of Scrabble tournaments."

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

'Don't worry, son. This bed inking incident will be our little secret.'

Armstrong, the new Ybox game console comes out next week. I've got to get in line at Computer Villa. Nope. You are callous and inhumane. Fortunately, I have a backup plan. Computer Villa sale! If anyone cuts, chew their nose off.

"And when conventional theories don't work, we've got Charnier here to do us a spot of voodoo marketing."

"My mommy suggested I try a different advertising approach."

"Saturn. No contest. A deadly, treacherous gas giant ringed by a gossamer halo of ice. It symbolizes both death and life. Both evil and good. It symbolizes existence itself."

'We'll need some time-delay remote detonators and a big brick of C-4.'

"Put away the gummy candies and bring out the apples. The kid's mother is our dentist!"

'This paintball war has really spun out of control.'

"We know you have better treats than raisins...we hacked your supermarket loyalty card."

"I'm in advertising. . ."

"Can we have all of your candy, a dog biscuit and a smoke for my cat friend here?"

'Sir! We're all doomed! It's a fitted sheet! How can we ever hope to stop something we can't even fold?!'

"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."

Musician

'You really have no idea what you're doing do you?'

"Timing is everything. I recommend that you act now before the authorities discover I've escaped."

'This service has been brought back in house and outsourced numerous times, I propose that as the contract is up for renewal again we consider 'shaking it all about''

'Man, I can't believe we didn't think of this before.'

"One is a sham bag for my parents to confiscate."

'This is Phillips. He's our new idea man.'

Halloween. Trick or Treat trophy.

"I'd fire him in a minute, but the old man thinks we need his unique perspective around here."

'Are you sure this is the best strategy to find new customers?'

'He's switched from tweeting on Twitter to growling on a new social media site called Growler. Suits him better.'

"Lets stop arguing about the pool. We'll divide it in half and stay on our half."

312 - Eat A Lot On The First Date

"I thought I knew evil, but you have to hand it to these advertising guys."