Quirky Tactician Pillows

"We can stop the bombardment - the castle surrendered."

Lynching on social media

Nobody mourned Sir Dad-Joke.

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"Works every time."

"My favorite tea: hot daffodil-infused chamomile with a hint of whiskey. Are you serious? Of course I'm serious! I've been dosing myself with small quantities of poisonous daffodil ever since 1931. You have to build up an immunity if you want to survive in the cutthroat world of Scrabble tournaments."

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

'Don't worry, son. This bed inking incident will be our little secret.'

"Saturn. No contest. A deadly, treacherous gas giant ringed by a gossamer halo of ice. It symbolizes both death and life. Both evil and good. It symbolizes existence itself."

"And when conventional theories don't work, we've got Charnier here to do us a spot of voodoo marketing."

"My mommy suggested I try a different advertising approach."

"Put away the gummy candies and bring out the apples. The kid's mother is our dentist!"

"We know you have better treats than raisins...we hacked your supermarket loyalty card."

'This paintball war has really spun out of control.'

"I'm in advertising. . ."

Musician

"Can we have all of your candy, a dog biscuit and a smoke for my cat friend here?"

"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."

'Sir! We're all doomed! It's a fitted sheet! How can we ever hope to stop something we can't even fold?!'

'You really have no idea what you're doing do you?'

"Timing is everything. I recommend that you act now before the authorities discover I've escaped."

'This service has been brought back in house and outsourced numerous times, I propose that as the contract is up for renewal again we consider 'shaking it all about''

"One is a sham bag for my parents to confiscate."

'Man, I can't believe we didn't think of this before.'

"I'd fire him in a minute, but the old man thinks we need his unique perspective around here."

Halloween. Trick or Treat trophy.

'Are you sure this is the best strategy to find new customers?'

Frightfulness! Germans Training Wasps to Sting Highlanders in Flanders.

312 - Eat A Lot On The First Date

"I thought I knew evil, but you have to hand it to these advertising guys."

"Palmer, I want you to see to the legwork; Moscowitz, you'll be my eyes and ears."