Cunning Tactician Pillows

"Works every time."

Lynching on social media

Nobody mourned Sir Dad-Joke.

"So this is it...the first day of the new school year. I guess studying, tests and report cards are still the hot things around here."

'This paintball war has really spun out of control.'

Musician

'Sir! We're all doomed! It's a fitted sheet! How can we ever hope to stop something we can't even fold?!'

'This service has been brought back in house and outsourced numerous times, I propose that as the contract is up for renewal again we consider 'shaking it all about''

'Man, I can't believe we didn't think of this before.'

"We can stop the bombardment - the castle surrendered."

"Isn't it about time you tidied up around here...?"

"Lets stop arguing about the pool. We'll divide it in half and stay on our half."

"I can't stand the way it's taunting us!"

Chess Chef

'Sorry JD, there's been a takeover bid.'

'It's a special technique called cheating.'

Military Cupid

"Now, don't worry about the shepherd's fire: I'll take care of it..."

"They say you're good with forgeries?"

World Championships Tungsten Rubik's Cube

'He won't be back for a few nanoseconds -- care for a game of chess?'

"I'm not going to bother studying that section. I'm just learning to the test."

'A new strategic weapon.'

The only side I take in an argument here is this side of the door.

"My scheme revolves around making promises that we have no intention of keeping. . . for want of a better word, I've called it 'politics'."

Famous Last Words: 'Ready!...Fire!...Aim!...

Ali Khamenei

"I need a few more minutes to resolve an internal battle between my soaring cholesterol level and a craving for french fries."

Noughts and Crosses Office

"Every stupid time I grease the stairs he figures it out."

"My dad shot an oryx once."

'I thought nine hours was a little long for a computer to deliberate a move.'