Ironic Tactician Pillows

'Sir! We're all doomed! It's a fitted sheet! How can we ever hope to stop something we can't even fold?!'

"Hurry up with that dictionary!"

Nobody mourned Sir Dad-Joke.

'I hate bloody football! It's just a bunch of over-rated, overpaid nancy boys kicking a b-' - 'Genuine football fans may leave work early to avoid missing the start of important World Cup fixtures.' - 'C'mon England!'

"Works every time."

"So this is it...the first day of the new school year. I guess studying, tests and report cards are still the hot things around here."

Armstrong, the new Ybox game console comes out next week. I've got to get in line at Computer Villa. Nope. You are callous and inhumane. Fortunately, I have a backup plan. Computer Villa sale! If anyone cuts, chew their nose off.

ISIS needle in a haystack.

'This paintball war has really spun out of control.'

Man and bird

Comparing the headlines of three different New York based newspapers.

Musician

'This service has been brought back in house and outsourced numerous times, I propose that as the contract is up for renewal again we consider 'shaking it all about''

'Man, I can't believe we didn't think of this before.'

'What the . . . no wonder we can't gain any yards. We've been fitted with radio collars...'

"We can stop the bombardment - the castle surrendered."

'He's switched from tweeting on Twitter to growling on a new social media site called Growler. Suits him better.'

"Richard just came in - he must have had a board meeting."

Coiled snake.'Act calm,relax,take a deep breath and reach for your knife slowly.'

"Lets stop arguing about the pool. We'll divide it in half and stay on our half."

'We've come to invade your privacy.'

"Whenever we talk to staff the work/life issue keeps cropping up!"

'It's a special technique called cheating.'

'This one is for 'World of Warcraft 3,'

World Championships Tungsten Rubik's Cube

A Hunter's Decoy

"I'm not going to bother studying that section. I'm just learning to the test."

The only side I take in an argument here is this side of the door.

"My scheme revolves around making promises that we have no intention of keeping. . . for want of a better word, I've called it 'politics'."

Famous Last Words: 'Ready!...Fire!...Aim!...

Well at least we know what not to do