Comedic Survivalist Gifts

'...Sorry we're stuck on here without any food.'

'I'll give you the keys to my new pick-up truck if you let go.'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

'Been waiting long?'

Zoo: No Hunting.

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

Genetic Fingerprinting.

Hunter with arrow pointing at him.

Fish Posting No Fishing Sign

'He keeps grounding out the energy flow.'

'Now cut that out!'

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

'Don't call the Nobel Committee just yet: We forgot to calibrate the instruments before the experiment...'

"Before I start. . . . are you sure pruning doesn't violate the tree's rights?"

I must be losing my grip, he didn't query the bill...

'Whenever I want to cut my lesson short, I ask the music teacher if she has any hip-hop music for the violin.'

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

'The cannon will go off every 20 minutes just to make sure you're paying attention,'

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

'You are here' sign on desert island.

'You have a 9:00 A.M. appointment with your ophthalmologist to check your vision and a 11:00 A.M. appointment with the staff to rally the troops around your vision.'

"You heading south again this summer?"

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

So the short answer is no; these aren't billable hours.

'I don't remember his name, but he also sold me $14,000 worth of aluminum siding.'

Tree growing

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"I expected to see some politicians in there!"

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

'You thought I'd gone out of business? What gave you that idea?'