Comedic Lifesaver Gifts

"Of course being celibate, all my advice is second-hand via the internet..."

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

"Who's got the hammer?"

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

Man with fishing line going into water. Fishing line coming down from sky.

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

Breast Height Chart

Only then, did Medusa realise her mistake.

'The guys say that the stripper won't be available before our wedding...would you mind if I had my bachelor party after the honeymoon?'

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

'Just remember, he's bigger, but you're funnier. As soon as he starts laughing, you've got him!'

Don't worry, the first 30 years as a paramedic are the hardest.

"Haven't you a small one that would fit into a soldier's pack?"

'I used to trade in futures until I learned the planet doesn't have one.'

"It's only until the gas prices go down and I can afford to drive the car again. Maybe you should have an ambulance follow me."

'I hope you all appreciate the irony in this.'

'Cool it with the herbal shampoo -- you've got aphids.'

"If you'll excuse me fellas. I have to see a man about a dog. Specifically-this dog."

'Alright, alright. I had a hard day fighting crime. No need to get smart about it.'

Cat doctor to cat patient sitting on exam table 'All I'm saying is liposuction won't help if you don't lay off the tuna smoothies.'

"Whisky? Have you got anything stronger?"

'The pain in my head always seems to subside when I flush your bills down the toilet!'

"I guess I'll never understand women."

"I hear a pet can help prolong your life. Got any that know the Heimlich maneuver?"

To insure Rodney's safe websurfing, Thelma sets her own parental controls.

"Well done Carson! This could be the answer to our bed shortage problems!"

Pirate Paddle Boat.

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"You keep him busy while I go for help."

'It's your lucky day. I just went vegan.'

"That's it - we've eaten the last of the energy bills."