Comedic Caregivers Gifts

Caution. Slippery when wet.

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'You're either getting smaller or they're giving you bigger pillows.'

Overprotective Father

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

A therapist reads to his patient from a joke book.

REPORT CARD, 'This is going to be tough to spin.'

You think you have feelings of worthlessness? You ought to see my portfolio!

IV Bags: Main and Afters

Flying Ear Specialist

'Hi Honey! I wanted to thank you for taking the baby to day care this morning!'

'I got the idea from a veterinarian friend of mine.'

' Emergency Pet Hospital? My Basset Hound got into my husband's Viagara...'

"He's complaining of chest pain, shortness of breath, cramps and dizziness. Do you sell earplugs?"

"Would you mind turning down your Walkman just a little!"

"Please feel free to feel ill at ease while you're here."

"We're still figuring out how to monetise him."

"I was gonna try yoga, but I don't actually bend so that's not going to work."

"Since this whole COVID thing I've had to adjust my practice."

"Doctor! This is not the time for the 'pull my finger' gag!"

'A good rule of thumb is never to eat anything that won't fit into your microwave.'

'I want a divorce, Lenny.'

'Oh, I see. So, you thought you'd come and pass your nasty germs on to me?!'

'I do not think I'm a God. God like, yes. But not God.'

"Ashley wanted to play doctor, but I'm trying to stay out of the health care debate."

'You're not sucking. You're playing.'

'So, you're a serious investor? Lighten up!'

'Al has vowed to climb the Food Pyramid...one mouthful at a time.'

'You'd get more work done if you didn't stop and smell the roses so often!'

"I yelled 'shazam' and there was lightning and a big explosion. They say I was unconcious for two hours."

"You're enjoying this, aren't you – hammering away at my credibility."