Comedic Caregivers Pillows

Caution. Slippery when wet.

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'You're either getting smaller or they're giving you bigger pillows.'

Overprotective Father

'He's lookin' at me!'

A therapist reads to his patient from a joke book.

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

Al, you need to get over your childish desire for a pony. It's not childish, doctor. I only started wanting one last week.

"5 second rule!"

You think you have feelings of worthlessness? You ought to see my portfolio!

Flying Ear Specialist

I told you to take the stairs instead of elevators. Taking escalators isn't meeting me halfway.

IV Bags: Main and Afters

REPORT CARD, 'This is going to be tough to spin.'

'Hi Honey! I wanted to thank you for taking the baby to day care this morning!'

'I got the idea from a veterinarian friend of mine.'

' Emergency Pet Hospital? My Basset Hound got into my husband's Viagara...'

"He's complaining of chest pain, shortness of breath, cramps and dizziness. Do you sell earplugs?"

"Would you mind turning down your Walkman just a little!"

"Please feel free to feel ill at ease while you're here."

"We're still figuring out how to monetise him."

"I was gonna try yoga, but I don't actually bend so that's not going to work."

"Doctor! This is not the time for the 'pull my finger' gag!"

'A good rule of thumb is never to eat anything that won't fit into your microwave.'

'Oh, I see. So, you thought you'd come and pass your nasty germs on to me?!'

'I want a divorce, Lenny.'

"Since this whole COVID thing I've had to adjust my practice."

'I do not think I'm a God. God like, yes. But not God.'

"Ashley wanted to play doctor, but I'm trying to stay out of the health care debate."

'You're not sucking. You're playing.'

'Just as I feared! It's ringworm! You'll have to give up the kids!'

'So, you're a serious investor? Lighten up!'

'Al has vowed to climb the Food Pyramid...one mouthful at a time.'