Comedic Therapist Pillows

"You're enjoying this, aren't you – hammering away at my credibility."

'I want a divorce, Lenny.'

You think you have feelings of worthlessness? You ought to see my portfolio!

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

Caution. Slippery when wet.

'You're either getting smaller or they're giving you bigger pillows.'

A therapist reads to his patient from a joke book.

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"If you had only listened to me when you were six and not eaten that dirt."

REPORT CARD, 'This is going to be tough to spin.'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

'Hi Honey! I wanted to thank you for taking the baby to day care this morning!'

'Remember his weakness is a pulled tendon, so keep it as high as your bursitis will let you, but take it easy with your fast ball because of my bone chips.'

'I got the idea from a veterinarian friend of mine.'

'We offer counselling for customers with gearbox issues.'

"Would you mind turning down your Walkman just a little!"

"We're still figuring out how to monetise him."

"I was gonna try yoga, but I don't actually bend so that's not going to work."

"Since this whole COVID thing I've had to adjust my practice."

'I feel unimportant and worthless because the NSA doesn't spy on me.'

"Doctor! This is not the time for the 'pull my finger' gag!"

'A good rule of thumb is never to eat anything that won't fit into your microwave.'

'You're not sucking. You're playing.'

'What a tactless, insensitive thing to say!'

'Al has vowed to climb the Food Pyramid...one mouthful at a time.'

'Son, time to learn about the magic words every man must know to survive a marriage..'

'No, I did not visit merely to tweak your nose!'

'So, you're a serious investor? Lighten up!'